Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
