How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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