I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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