She's JV to your varsity
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
