You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!