Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive