the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
