Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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