so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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