JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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