Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
