my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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