batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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