I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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