We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
