She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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