you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
