And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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