Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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