I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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