I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
