My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
