There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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