mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
