Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
