Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fill condoms, not promises.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
