i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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