If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
