first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
