HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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