My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
