he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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