I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
