there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
