my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
