you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
