i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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