I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
