in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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