You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
