I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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