I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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