you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
