he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
