Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
