I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
