I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
