I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
