do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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