You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
