I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
