is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
