Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
