Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is my gift to your gina
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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