he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize