My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
