You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You dont lie about slip and slides
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
