Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
