My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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