At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
