I hate your face
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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