those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
