I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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