Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
