I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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