Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
