Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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