CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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