i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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