Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize