Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
